Quality | 2010.01.29
Tories get the Hots for Harriet
Peter Bone, a Tory, once again confessed his adoration – nay, obsession – with Ms Harman. He claimsto be the founder of Hots, Harriet\'s Official Tory Supporters
Our native tongue, the language of Shakespeare, Milton and Jeffrey Archer, does take some terrible torture. I arrived in the chamber yesterday to hear Maria Eagle, the minister for equality, speak proudly of "a further advance for flexibility of gender". What on earth might that mean? Female contortionists?
It turned out to have something to do with men taking paternity leave in place of their partners. Unfortunately, equality, while a splendid ambition, does lead to some tricky problems. Moments later they were discussing the equality bill, which has been carved up in the Lords. Should its provisions on gender (or "sex" as we used to call it, gender referring to French nouns) apply to religious organisations?
Apparently it does, but only to non-religious jobs in religious organisations. The government has bottled out of saying there must be female bishops, or that women should be imams. But if you\'re talking about the accountants in a church, or those garnering the shekels for a crooked TV preacher, then women must have equal rights. Harriet Harman, who will not rest until we are all entirely equal in all respects or until Labour loses an election, whichever comes first, is very proud of this bill.
So she was still glowing when, as leader of the house, she answered random questions from MPs. David Heath for the Lib Dems claimed that one government department had no fewer than 225 "communications officers". He had been told that this was because the department took 600 calls a day – fewer than three calls per person. What did they do for the rest of the time?
Ms Harman said they didn\'t just pick up phones. They were vital for "transparency and accountability". So, as we thought, they spend their day drinking coffee and doing the sudoku.
MPs tried to get her to name the date for the budget. "As far as the date," she said elliptically, "we are still a little way away from when it might be arranged." Clearly no one has told her, probably because Gordon Brown hasn\'t got a clue.
There was a wonderfully embarrassing moment when Peter Bone, a Tory, once again confessed his adoration – nay, obsession – with Ms Harman. He claims to be the founder of Hots, Harriet\'s Official Tory Supporters. Yesterday he praised her performance at prime minister\'s questions on Wednesday, something only a lovestruck swain could do.
The superb figure of Sir Peter Tapsell arrived, only to find his seat occupied by Andrew Rosindell, a rightwing hooligan from Romford. No Greek statue brought to life hundreds of miles from the Parthenon could have been more appalled. Sir Peter, who may be slightly heavier than the average Elgin marble, gave a thunderous look that didn\'t quite turn Mr Rosindell to stone. He did not notice and sat blithely until Sir Peter stomped out, like a magnificent statue splatted by an upstart pigeon.
For more information, please visit
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/[...]t-harman-simon-hoggarts-sketch
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